How to Personally Know Cthulhu

What does it take to begin a relationship with Cthulhu? Devote yourself to sacrificing hobos at the witching hour on lonely hilltops? Read forbidden tomes in dusty libraries?

You may be surprised that none of those things work.  But Cthulhu has made it very clear how we can know Him.

The following steps will explain how you can personally begin a relationship with Cthulhu — right now!

Cthulhu does not care about you and your pathetic primate life

Cthulhu’s Disdain
“Cthulhu looked upon the lower life forms arrayed in the muck before Him. To a one he caused them to perish, snuffing their life as one might a nest of ants.”

Cthulhu’s Plan
“The sole purpose of humanity is to free our God from the depths so that he may consume our flesh so that we may become one with the Body of Cthulhu.”

Why is it that most people are not experiencing Cthulhu’s tentacles guiding their dreams and thoughts?

Your personal lack of depravity separates you from Cthulhu's notice

Why is it that most people are not experiencing visions of cyclopian ruins and the whirling madness of the Outer Darkness?

We Clutter our Minds
“Shameful Idin, you have paid more attention to the dancing maidens, the acrobats and fine fruits! You have doomed us all!”

The human race exists solely to serve Lord Cthulhu; but, because our minds are weak, we choose to be distracted by tweets and apps and pop music groups — the Call of Cthulhu cannot find purchase on barren ground. You have made yourself valueless in the eyes of Cthulhu and will be eaten last.

It is only through Cthulhu's consumption of our souls can we experience Cthulhu's glory

He Waits to Find Us
“It is through the consumption of the root and meditation of the chant that you may be receptive to his Call.”

The methods and means to be receptive to the will of Cthulhu are many. One need only reject the thin veil of superficiality that humanity thinks protects them. You may be given visions of the past, present or future. You may be commanded to perform tasks. They ways are Cthulhu are not to be questioned, only obeyed. It is through obedience that we find purpose and through purpose we find meaning.

But it is not enough to know these three principles.

We must individually receive Cthulhu as our Great Lord; then we can drive ourselves mad pondering the unknowable

We must receive Cthulhu
“Across the nations, many fell to deep slumber, to them He gave visions; of times past and places in the future; of this world and those beyond.”

We receive Cthulhu through sacrifice
“By night shall you steal into the nursery to find a proper offering; no unwanted urchin nor sullied maid, but only the wanted and hale are gifts for our god.”

When we receive Cthulhu, our minds are opened
“With shaking hands I placed the scroll back in its case. It was too much to know such things.”

We receive Cthulhu by being obedient
“Behold, you stand at the doorway and hear them knocking; Those who let them in shall reap the rewards of faith.”

Receiving Cthulhu involves turning from the false society of humanity and returning to our primal origins when gods walked among us. Just to study tomes intellectually and deciphering R’lyehian runes is not enough. Nor is it enough to summon a servant of the air and live. You receive Cthulhu by faith, through the imposition of his will.

How you can receive Cthulhu

You can receive Cthulhu right now by faith through chanting.

The primal chants handed down through the eons from god to man open a channel to the Dread Lord; allowing him to peer into your mind and communicate. The following is a suggested chant:

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.

If this chant expresses the desire of your heart, then you can chant right now and Cthulhu will dominate your mind as He promised.