War on Christmas declared by CTHU; AFA panics

The American Family Association (AFA), an organization of evangelical christians, is ecstatic that someone is finally taking the “War on Christmas” seriously — just not the way they wished. The group issues yearly “warnings” to American citizens that the eroding cultural dominance of their religion and stolen holiday will carry dire consequences.

The annual fatwas from this group, and others, are used to pressure companies to use the words “Merry Christmas” in their advertising or face a religious boycott. This year, following the example of our fellow cultists last year, a third front in the War has been declared.

Campus Crusade for Cthulhu International (CTHU) is pleased to be that army.

Rightfully fearful for their franchise “rights,” the AFA went immediately on the offensive decrying the “paganization of America.” They are aghast that another religion would claim what is rightfully theirs. But what was once ours shall be so again.

Excerpts from American Family Association press release

Another Christmas is upon us, and that means gifts under the tree, excited children, family travels and, of course, wars over Christmas itself.

In a New York Times op-ed piece last December, for example, Gail Collins derided AFA and others for embracing “a seasonal victimhood” that is meant to force stores to link corporate greed with the birth of Jesus Christ.

Nothing could be further from the truth, but we learned long ago that the secular news media sometimes cares little for the truth when it comes to evangelical Christians. A good smear is quicker and cheaper than actually trying to understand us.

However, over the last couple of years, AFA has found itself being targeted – either implicitly or explicitly – by followers of the demon god Cthulhu. Whether it’s from Lynn Armbruster from Campus Crusade for Cthulhu or Julio Trojan from the New England Great Old One Society, Cthulhu cultists have mocked and condemned AFA’s pro-Christmas campaigns.

AFA’s efforts in this arena have never existed in a vacuum. The ministry holds three propositions in tandem: (1) There has been an intentional, international effort for over 50 years to return the holy tradition of Christmas to its unholy and unwholesome roots (2) The war on Christmas does exist, and it has been part of this wider effort. (3) The attempt to paganize the nation is bad for America and ultimately threatens the very existence of the Republic.

In the case of the paganization of our nation – and the danger it poses to our Republic – a whole lot more than Christmas is being stolen.

This year, we released our own warning to commercial interests that they adhere to our most sacred days. CTHU has long viewed the usurpation of the Days of Darkness by the human-created false religions to be high blasphemy. We have long advocated the return to the Old Ways as practiced by humanity for thousands of years — only recently forgotten as civilization sought to blind itself to life’s realities.

“Christmas” should properly be celebrating the rising darkness – as the nights grow longer, we plea for Cthulhu to arise to make that darkness permanent. Many in the cult celebrate it as Saturnalia, where we practice dropping the pretense of civilization in order to become more like Cthulhu, free of all restraint and inhibition.

It is that freedom – of ourselves, our society and our Dread Lord – which is the true Reason for the Season.